Join the Gratitude Campaign

We all have one. It might be a teacher, a boss, a sibling, an uncle, a neighborhood mom, a buddy or a coach. Or something else. We have someone who set us straight, helped us out, showed us the light, inspired us, demanded of us, comforted us or gave us confidence or joy. Someone who helped us through a tough time, made us look at our internal compass, pushed or supported us to be the person we are today.

Someone whose value or support we didn’t recognize at the time, perhaps didn’t for decades, someone we never got around to thanking for that.

Someone who just might not know how important she or he was in our lives.

This is a site for those wonderful people.

This is the place where you can throw out to the universe your thanks and appreciation for those mentors and supporters who guided and inspired you so many years ago.

Take this opportunity to do so.

This is your chance to thank those people who may not even know how valuable they were in your life – because you … never … told … them.

This site was inspired by Jack Meltebarger, my high school wrestling coach, who was such a rich and lasting force in my life when I needed it most. But I had no clue how important he was to me at the time, and I never thanked him or told him that, not for decades. Jack is the first entry, and this gratitude campaign is dedicated to him – and to all like him.

And there are many. You have at least one. One you haven’t told.

By the time I got around to finding Jack, it was too late. He had passed, never knowing how much his generous attention to a high school kid in need of a male adult role model had been seared into my life. (See the Jack Meltebarger entry, including the first comment.)

My hope is that this will provide an opportunity for everyone else to say thanks – finally – to people like Jack in their lives. I see nothing but upside in doing so.

Gratitude is a rare gift to both the giver and the receiver. You will feel better thanking the Jack Meltebargers in your life – and doing so unabashedly and publicly. Those people will feel great knowing how valuable their gift turned out to be. Others will be inspired to express their gratitude, even if not in this pipeline. And those who don’t even know the players honored here will be inspired to give like them to others, because these stories will demonstrate how much a little bit of help and attention at the right time can be so meaningful and valuable, particularly to a kid.

Read the stories. Add your own.

Honor teachers, parents, coaches, bosses, siblings, friends, inspirations. Let’s spread gratitude. Let us honor those who deserve it, but who might not know how important they are, if only to one very grateful albeit late-recognizing recipient of their gift.

Join the Gratitude Campaign.

It will feel great. For you and for them. I guarantee it.

Hal DeKeyser

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Doris “Gracie” Van Houten – the Mom next door

When I was in the eighth grade in Phoenix and Doris Van Houten was the Mom next door, I called her Gracie because she had that funny, high-pitched voice like Gracie Allen, the blonde ditz who made husband/comedy partner George Burns look good. It was a moniker of affection for a woman who was a surrogate Mom to me when I was the new kid on the block during the “entering puberty” stage, with all the attendant anxieties and storms.

Her kids were about the same age and gender as our family, and Craig Van Houten was one of my closest friends at the time. They were a charmed family to me – they had a boat, a color TV and ice cream after every meal. I would spend early evenings at their house, playing canasta or other cards games. I watched the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show there, something that wouldn’t be on our black and white. I learned to water ski with the Van Houtens, and Doris always treated me not only like a son but with respect, encouragement and fun.

We moved to California in the middle of my freshman year, and it was a miserable time. I was an undersized newbe who knew no one.  I was bored, depressed and friendless. But I had worked up enough money scouring Garden Grove for odd jobs to take a bus to Phoenix and spend a couple of weeks with my best friend at the time, Angelo. and another couple of weeks with the Van Houtens – all folks my mother trusted. When I had to get back on the Greyhound and go back to California, I must have done a much worse job hiding my sadness than I thought at the time.

Doris told me later that she almost called up my mother and asked her if I could stay there and go to school in Arizona. But she knew that I had to get my own handle on my life, and even if it was painful to watch, she had to send me out into my world. It’s a distasteful mission mothers have been tasked with since the beginning of time. But this was a woman who simply volunteered to be a Mom to me, and she gave me enormous comfort and confidence when I needed it — enormously.

High school in California, by the way, turned out to be fine, once I started at the beginning of a year, grew a little and started doing decently in sports.

I’ve never forgotten what a warm nest Doris Van Houten had provided for the skinny little wise-cracking kid next door, and I never properly told her thank you for that. So here I am, finally saying thanks to a surrogate mom who I continue to appreciate greatly.

Say goodnight, Gracie.

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Aunt Marilyn Alex — a godson remembers

She was born the same year Arizona became a state — 1912 — and lived just a bit more than an entire century, staying mostly healthy, alert and full of spunk.

Aunt Marilyn, my godmother, finally succumbed to the inevitability of time this week, a month or so shy of her 101st birthday. The entire family was there at a family reunion last year to celebrate her own centennial.

She was the eldest of eight offspring (four girls, then four boys) of Bill and Elsie DeKeyser, the first of all of them to get a professional degree, and the one who took charge of delivering the last of the siblings — at a time when all of that was done at home. She would recall in vivid detail one Sunday morning when Grandma was about to deliver one of the boys and the other girls were about to trot off to mass in their Sunday best.

“Ooooooh, noooooo,” she told them before assigning duties. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Aunt Marilyn, HalShe told me stories of my Dad when he was a little boy, running around the neighborhood on his bike, delivering the news of a birth in the family to half the town, regardless of their interest level. She told me stories about when she was a little girl and Grandpa was off in another town, setting up a new cannery (that’s what he did), and Grandma would be threatened by the noise of a suspicious person outside the small house they were renting.

“I’ve got a gun in here,” Grandma shouted out, huddling with the girls, “and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Of course, she didn’t have a gun. All she had was bravado.

Aunt Marilyn remembered the day World War I ended. She told me of the siblings helping each other through school, like sending her sister in nursing school $2 a month for “spending money.” She talked about the chores she did as a kid, what life was like moving around Wisconsin and Upper Peninsula Michigan as kids, how a Depression Era family handled and managed growing up and trying to make their way in a tough world. But it was an arms-hooked, we’ll do it together approach to survival.

We had left the Upper Peninsula when I was a kid, moving to Phoenix for typical reasons then, a brother with asthma. Aunt Marilyn and Uncle Paul became Arizona snowbirds, so they were the only regular relatives we saw from “back home” in the ’60s, when traveling back for visits was financially impossible. (Even long distance calls at the holidays were rushed because of the expense.) So they wound up representing the entire family tree to us sometimes. Uncle Paul would be the stand-in at the father-son banquet in Boy Scouts. Aunt Marilyn reminded me that she was my godmother, and that was a special thing.

What most impressed me was her sharp mind, which never seemed to lose memories or details. I would ask her about a particular time in the family, and she would know where everyone was, what job Grandpa was working, who was off at school, or war, or making babies. Well into her ’90s, when our girls were kids, she and the other “Grand Aunts” came visiting, and Aunt Marilyn beat us all at cards. (There was no easing off the kids for the sake of esteem in this cohort.) Even at her 100th birthday party, she was making clever repartee and telling stories from way back when.

She was tough and kind and lived a long and healthy life raising my three great cousins. She weathered tough times like that was just the way things were — probably because that was the case at the time.

Aunt Marilyn had that calm command voice, the authority of knowledge, experience and rudder in the water, that made you do what she “suggested.” But she was never pushy, at least to her godson (my cousin Paul may tell you different).

When Uncle Paul died, and age 89, he had just been to a family funeral well attended by relatives, and he had Marilyn and his family around him.

Aunt Marilyn also had a long and good life, and left it on her own terms, with family around.

You don’t get much better than that in this blink of the eye we call life.

May God bless and keep you, Aunt Marilyn. Thanks for the love, and the stories.

— Hal DeKeyser

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Marybeth Miller – Sister, inspiration, lifeboat, pal

It wasn’t so much what my sister DID for me that mattered as much as how much she told me in so many ways that she believed in me.

I was a little kid. By that I mean most of the kids my grade were bigger than me.  I was the youngest of the class generally, but I was still small, and I didn’t gain much athletic coordination or prowess until I was about a sophomore in high school.

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Kids who can’t get by on what works for most find their own victories. I was good in school, but not as evidently so as my big brother Bill, who won math awards and was generally recognized as the brainiac in the family. Marybeth, the middle child and a year older, was always among the prettiest girls.  My deal was being sort of a smart ass.

That was all I had. Or so it seemed.

I did well in reading and writing, but that didn’t come into play until much later in school. And being a writer wasn’t exactly what kids dreamed about on the playground. So I was sort of adrift when it came to some skill or attribute that I could make my name with.  Funny. He’s a funny kid. “Say something funny, Hal.”

Marybeth, though, didn’t acknowledge what I thought were my  limitations. She treated me like a buddy, even in front of her girlfriends. She told me I was smart, that her friends thought I was cute, that I was really good at this or that.  Not all the time — we were siblings, after all. But with a frequency that made me believe it and with a rarity that made it credible.

She told me once, probably when we were about in middle school, “I heard Mom say that, ‘Everyone thinks Bill is smart, but Hal’s really the smart one.’ ”

Really? I thought. Mom said that? Maybe I am.

Thinking back on it, it’s highly unlikely that Mom actually did say that, whether she thought it or not.  Marybeth made it up, or modified something else Mom had said. But for some reason it gave me a confidence that I truly needed right at that exact moment. Somehow, Marybeth knew that and filled the void skillfully and perfectly. That was her gift, at least to me.

Even later, as adults, she projected a can’t-let-down expectation for me. It didn’t drive my life, but it became a part of me, delivered early when very much needed and in short supply – and a gift, just a gift, awarded without expectation of return, by a kid who was not only generous but amazingly astute about what I needed and how and when to create it.  I don’t even know if she recognized that she was doing it.  She might have just been being her. But she was more than once the floating log for me after the ship wreck, the thing that just shows up to when you need it to keep you from sinking, if only for a little while.

So thanks, MB, thanks for recognizing and injecting the much-needed elixir of confidence so selfishly and expertly. I don’t know what life would be like for me had you not been there. Much less rich, certainly.

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Wayne Lee, pugnacious editor and Pulitzer Prize journalist

There were a bunch of “Wayne-isms” in our first newsroom out of college. The newspaper was in a cop-firefighter sleepy suburb, Simi Valley, later to become notorious as the California town with a jury that gave the Rodney King cops a walk.

The newspaper was lofty: The Enterprise, Sun & News, a shotgun marriage of old chamber of commerce shoppers blended into a fledgling almost-daily paper distributed to newly incorporated suburbanites in the mid-1970s.

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Richard Nixon had recently left the White House, and for one, brief shining moment, a couple of reporters, Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein were the equivalent of rock stars in campus newsrooms across the nation.

The Enterprise editor was Wayne Lee, and his signature remarks replay themselves in our inner ears over generations.

One was, “If you hear your mother loves you, check it out.”

One time, when Wayne was out of town, we all raced around the newsroom putting out a four-page “Extra!” edition (the only one I have ever done).

The “Extra!” was about a levee that looked like it was going to break up during heavy seasonal rains. It could have flooded some homes.

The levee held. We raced back to our desks, adrenaline pumping from putting out an “Extra,” photos, stories, description about what a levee is, and so on.

Wayne returned from his outing and commented, ‘”Extra!” Huh. … What’re ya gonna do when a levee does break?”

We groaned. And roared about our overblown news call over beers at Elmer’s, a cop and postal worker bar straight out of “Cheers.”

Wayne was a former roughneck out of the Texas oil fields, a Golden Gloves boxer and a TV ad salesman who broke into newspapers without any training in his late twenties. That’s the way it used to work.

You do not need licensure or degree to commit journalism.

Wayne’s flagship paper, The Hutchinson News of Hutchinson, Kansas, won a Pulitzer Prize for public service in the early 1970s on as bland a topic as reapportionment. But the series, which Wayne had a hand in as managing editor, showed that farm voters outweighed town voters, and that wasn’t fair. It brought in changes in the Legislature.

That’s the way it used to work, too. Newspapers found out about something, and somehow, through a variety of processes, a “wrong” got righted. It was right makes right, not might makes right.

Another “Wayneism:” He told us about how he had found out about payoffs with some giant health care provider and members of the Legislature, and he called his crusty old editor (all of them were crusty and old in those days), and said, “For $500, I can get the goods on these guys!”

Instead of looking for the cash drawer, the editor told him, “Use your charm.”
So, when Hal DeKeyser and I, the “Woodstein” reporter pups of the Enterprise went rushing to Wayne for some booze money to loosen up a source, what do you think we were told?

Use our charm.

He showed us about getting the interviews, and getting the goods without ever resorting to opening up our wallets.

He also showed up about the newspaper cardinal sin of assuming. Assumption can kill you. Or, somebody.

We were an afternoon paper, of which there used to be many, and so the pages got pasted down early in the a.m., and Hal, the reporter several months senior to me, was in charge of finishing the paper that a.m.

He called for “one more story” and “one more headline.”

I squeezed together a couple of inches off a cops-and-fire report about a guy who had a propane tank blow up in his face.

The headline was “Propane blast kills man” and the paper shipped off to the out-of-town printer for the early run. Our neighbor paper had the press, then.

A few hours later, the editor was reading the edition, that was Wayne. He looked over to my senior partner, “Hal, is this guy dead?”

Hal looked a little quizzical, then looked at me. I had shouted the headline across the newsroom to the production room. In other words, I owned it.

One of us shrugged, and one of us, me, I think, said, “Propane tanks blew up in his face. It sounds fatal?!”

Then Wayne laconically related to us that he thought he just got a phone call from the dead man.

He looked at Hal and Texan-drawled, “Hal, now ‘yer gonna learn about something called … public relations.”

My lead to the next day’s edition cited Mark Twain and his obituary remark that rumors of his demise were greatly … you know the rest.

Wayne was fun, and funny. He was also wise, and could be hard. Indisputably fair. He looked like a mash-up of Genghis Khan (moustache) with Moe’s haircut from the Three Stooges. But he was no stooge. He was all savvy.

And he did the best thing an editor, as mentor, to any young journalists could ever do. He backed their play. If it was true, and it needed to come out, we could do it.

We went after a story on some housing fraud that he had tipped us too. And we went after a police chief who was running a Vegas travel agency from his office desk at city hall.

Wayne was folksy. The guy even commissioned a folk song from a local singer about “the sun, and the fun, and the blues in the Enterprise, Sun and News.”

To Wayne, news was a song, and a poem. He taught us to love and respect what we did, and to be accountable when we got it wrong, and to be proud when we got it right.

I remembered Wayne the other night when I saw a re-run episode of “The Lou Grant Show,” the best TV show ever done about newspapers and news rooms. It turned up on Hulu, a digital retrieval mini-miracle that would have delighted Wayne as much as he would have been puzzled about the slide of big newspapers.

“Lou Grant” was about a curmudgeon editor sent back to newspapers from exile as a TV manager. His newspaper was about righting wrongs.

In this episode, a wily former colleague cons Lou and a couple of reporters into an all-paid expense account trip to go to the Caribbean and find a fugitive billionaire of Howard Hughes type.

The colleague, a known rogue, gets the boys to buy new white suits, liquors them up, and they all wake up on the floor of an expensive hotel room with the publisher, Mrs. Pynchon, a Katherine Graham lookalike, inquiring testily by long distance if the editor and his reporters are awake.

Lou wiped the crust out of his eyes, heavily hung over and spoke into the phone, “I’m awake, m’aam. In fact, I’m dressed.”

He was still in last night’s con-artist rumpled suit.

Wayne laughed out loud at that one. And said, “Yeah, I did that. Got a call from the editor, and I said, ‘Yes, I’m up. I’m dressed!”

That was a younger Wayne, on the hunt, hung over, interested, investigating.

Wayne’s news room exits were legend, too, but that really is another bunch of stories.

We were lucky, then. A couple of years after Woodward and Bernstein courted the impeachment of a president who had done high crimes and misdemeanors, we had an editor, an authentically wise man, who would show us the difference between a high crime or misdemeanor, whether in journalism, or law.

Such birds were rare then. They are rarer now.

-Dennis Anderson, Editor, Antelope Valley Press

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The “old” couple on Huntington Beach, circa 1968

We were high school kids in Southern California, spending as much of our summers as we could hanging out on the beach, either at the Newport river jetty or up by the Huntington pier. It was near the pier where I met this couple. They must have been in their 60s or 70s, which would have been ancient for teenage boys in that era.

I don’t know their names, and don’t know if I ever caught them. How we came to be talking with this couple on the wet sand also escapes my memory. Even the conversation is lost, although I recall it being a fun one.

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What is not lost is the image of a health, in-shape, fun and mellow folks who totally shocked and reshaped my image of what “old age” could be like. He was tan, well-muscled and had just been running on the beach. They both were trim and active, and they fell easily and affably into a jovial conversation with a couple of teenage boys they stumbled into on the sand.

When we parted ways, they strolled off, holding hands, seemingly unaware of the water from the last gasp of waves sloshing up their legs.

I thought immediately then, and I can pull the image up into memory clearly now, that if “senior” meant living life like that couple, growing old not only wouldn’t be so scary for me, it could be charming and fun.

I have stayed in good shape for most of my life, with rare lapses, and that the image and memory of that charming, healthy and together couple on the beach can claim at least partial responsibility.

Another lesson from that is that one never knows how their behavior and lifestyle will matter to someone else when they least suspect it.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Hal DeKeyser

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Chuck Wahlheim, publisher, mentor, entrepreneur, friend

I was the very first new recruit for the new Mesa Tribune editor, a former professor of mine and a lifelong mentor.  Max Jennings had persuaded me to leave The Associated Press and join his team there to “put bad guys behind bars, shine lights in dark corners and win Pulitzer prizes.”   The paper had been bought by Cox Newspapers about a year prior, and it was Max’s job to make it a “real newspaper.” To that end, he had convinced the publisher, Chuck Wahlheim that he needed more reporters he could count on. That meant spending money – when the bottom line also was Chuck’s prime responsibility.

So I was talking to Max that first morning in his small newsroom office when Chuck walked in. Max introduced us. I said hello. Chuck looked at me.

“So you’re the guy who going to save the Mesa Tribune, huh?”

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I don’t know about that, I told him, but I’ll do the best I can at my job. He left.

“Max, what did you get me into?” I asked.

Don’t worry, Max said. He’s just testing you. You’ll love the guy.

Chuck Wahlheim

That same day, before I even had filled out all the paperwork, Max sheepishly sent me out to cover, of all things, a ground-breaking for a drive-through at a local bank. I’m not making that up. I asked Max, What happened to the bad guys and Pulitzers? We need to do this for Chuck, he told me.

So I went out, took a picture of six guys and an old woman with gold-colored shovels grinning on a vacant lot behind the bank.  I wound up doing the story about the woman, who had sold the land for the drive-through where her childhood home had been. Her parents had build the house that used to be there, and she and her husband lived there until he died, some 70 years altogether.  It wasn’t what Chuck had expected, but Max told him that if we were going to be a “real newspaper,” we had to tell real stories.  My story – with a break-out box on the features of the new drive-through – ran.

Chuck was the first publisher I knew who would listen to a reporter. He also opened my eyes to a wholly different way than I had experienced to lead a team, to inspire, to be an entrepreneur.

One Saturday night when I hadn’t been at the Trib long, I was the guy in charge of putting together the Saturday paper. Normally that just meant checking the final headlines and getting in any late-breaking news.

But  I saw an editorial, one that prodded some state agency to keep some record secret.

I called Chuck at home.

I’d never called a publisher anywhere before, and certainly not at home, at night, to tell him I thought he was wrong. I told him I didn’t think we should run that editorial.

“What’s wrong with it?”

I said we’re in the business of expanding information for the public to make up its own mind about how well government works. We shouldn’t be encouraging the opposite.

He listened. He agreed to pull the opinion and we’d look at it again on Monday.  Then he had me write something new to replace it, on the spot.  The editorial never ran. Whether that was right or wrong, Chuck had listened.

When John Lennon was shot in New York, I was in the same position – the guy in charge.  I called Chuck, at home, and told him we needed to take the paper up four pages (an expensive proposition) to cover it right. We needed to do this.

“Who died?” he asked.

“John Lennon.”

“The singer?” he asked, wondering why this guy was worth it. Chuck was 20 years my senior and evidently not as attuned to the pop culture of the day as his younger staff.

“Is it that big of a deal?”

Yes, I told him, it’s a very big deal. He told me to do what I needed to do.

Max later told me that Chuck said to him something to the effect of that’s why we pay them (meaning us) – to know when it’s a very big deal.

Chuck was enormously demanding of his staff. He purposely walked very fast whenever he was in the building. He told me later that if he didn’t demonstrate a sense of urgency, why would anyone else?

He also had a softer side.

When Cox bought the Trib, the paper came with Walter and Mitzi Zipf, two journalists in their 90s who had a very folksy weekly publication that had been folded into the Trib.  They had no kids, and the newspaper was their only family around them.

When Mitzi died, Walter went into Chuck’s office and told him he needed a month off. Max was in the room, and he later told me that Chuck told Walter that he couldn’t spare him that long, that he could take until a few days after the funeral, then he needed to be back in the newsroom, working.

Walter wrote a history column for the paper, and we easily could have re-run older columns. (I used to be able to say that I had the only reporter who could write about the shoot-out at the OK Corral, having interviewed an eye witness.)

Chuck knew that Walter needed to be around the only family he knew, and that was in the newsroom.  Walter worked at the paper until shortly before he died, at 97. Through all down times and budget cuts, he was untouchable.

After I had been there a few years, Chuck took me over to his house and asked me, one-on-one, what I wanted to do with my career, and how he could help me. I wasn’t sure. You’d better figure it out, he said.  “Any road’ll get you there if you don’t know where you’re going,” he told me.  He also pushed Peter Drucker and other books at me, and forced me to think about where I was going and how I was going to get there.

Chuck left the paper before I did, but I kept in touch with him off and on through the years. When I was starting an online local news business decades later, the first person I called and ran the idea by was Chuck Wahlheim, who gave me not only encouragement but a list of hard questions to answer.  I trusted his experience and instinct implicitly. He was a valuable asset to me in many ways. Not just because he was a smart guy who knew what he was doing, but also – and perhaps more valuably – I had 100 percent confidence that he had my best interests at heart.

I got birthday cards regularly from Chuck every year, decades after I worked for him. It would typically be something like:

“Every morning, the gazelle wakes up in the jungle and knows it has to be faster than the fastest lion. Every day, the lion gets up and knows it has to be faster than the slowest gazelle. Happy birthday!   Be tough!!!                                    — Charlie.”

 

So thanks for all that, Chuck.  Finally.

Hal DeKeyser

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Mr. Crook – Teacher, mentor, confidence coach

He had a cutesy name for the wooden paddle that hung on the wall, a threat against misbehaving boys (it was mostly boys who misbehaved) in his sixth-grade class at P.T. Coe Elementary School in west Phoenix.

Mr. Crook (I think his first name was John) was an old guy by our 12-year-old standards, but no one doubted that he would use that board, if necessary. It was a different era, when getting swats was rare but not unusual. But that was a last-ditch fallback for Mr. Crook, who ruled by incentives rather than punishment.

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He devised multiple ways to get students to try harder and to step out of their boxes. He seated us  in the first row according to how well we performed on tests, but only the first row. After that, you sat where you wanted. Every new grading period he had the sixth-graders change seats, and then he would administer a test, then seat the first row according to performance, then give another test and see if the seating changed. My best friend, Angelo Rivers, and I were always in the first row, along with Sandra Morse, Gayle Theriault, Dennis Chapman and someone else.

In the middle of the year, he had a dinner at his central Phoenix house for the first row, the first time we had to go someplace without parents and behave as adults. I remember Dennis saying he was sure he’d knock over a glass and screw something up. No one did. Mr. Crook gave us lessons on table etiquette then, but he made it fun – and clearly a reward for doing well.

Once he offered extra grade credit for everyone in the class who would go to the front and sing a verse of “Daisy” without accompaniment. Most of us did it, scared to death, and performed it horribly. But how well you sang didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were willing to try. Then you could sit back down, take kidding from the other boys, feel the wave of relief and realize that it wasn’t so bad after all (which would stick in the mind the next time you had performance or speaking anxiety). He put us through our first one.

Another time he told the class that one of his students had an IQ of 139, a genius level, but that the student didn’t know that and wasn’t performing at that level. He said he wasn’t allowed to say who that was. Then he gave us a work-in-class assignment. While doing mine, I looked up and caught him watching me, and he smiled and nodded. I took that to mean that I was the 139 kid.  Wow, that’s cool. Angelo told me that same story. I realized much later that Mr. Crook must had done that with every student – given them some nodding indication that he had been talking about them.

He was the master at planting seeds of high expectations.

Mr. Crook had many other awards for students and one-on-one contacts that supported the notion that you were capable and should be confident, and that the only way to succeed is by constant trying. And that trying isn’t that painful or frightening, once you jump into it.

I don’t know that I learned more about the American Revolution or sentence structure from Mr. Crook compared to other teachers.

I certainly learned more about myself.

Hal DeKeyser

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Bill DeKeyser – Big brother, drill sergeant, nag, coach

He had to be the “man of the house” at an early age, about second grade, because Dad had left. It was the first divorce in two long-standing Catholic families, and no one really knew how they were supposed to behave, to do it right.  I was 4 or 5. I didn’t see Dad again until I was out of the Navy.  But this is about thanks.

Bill was 2½ years my senior, and the first-born of three.  Exactly between us is Marybeth.  He could be, and often was, the typical bully big brother, holding me down and thump, thump,  thumping my chest with his knuckle.  Later he more than once threw me over the side fence into the neighbors’ yard, but in such a way that I could land upright.  The three of us got a cheap record player for Christmas one year (a collective gift), and Bill would play “Tell Laura I Love Her” over and over and over, singing along as off-key as possible (a mild effort with his musical talent), just to annoy us.

It worked.

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He also challenged and defended me. When I got pushed down by a neighborhood kid when I was maybe 7 years old, Bill pushed that kid down and stood between us.

“But you pick on him,” the kid protested, on the ground.

“Yeah, but he’s my brother.”

Mug Bill DeKeyserHe was a math whiz, placing high on math test contests that I didn’t even know existed at the time.  But when I was maybe 4 years old, Bill explained how numbers worked to me – count to 10, move the 1 over, count to 10 again, move the 2 over, repeat, repeat. Because of that, I could count to infinity on paper before I even know what the word was for “twelve.” He got a slide rule for Christmas one year in middle school, with a leather case, which he wore on his belt going to school.  I denied kinship.

Doing well in school was big in our family, particularly with Grandma DeKeyser. She and Grandpa DeKeyser would come to our rented flat in Escanaba, Michigan, when we were in elementary school and inspect our report cards, and compensate us accordingly. The first time I paid attention to this, my first card, Bill got a lot more money. He gloated.  He also pushed and encouraged me.  He made it clear that doing well in school not only was expected but lauded, and he made it clear that he thought I had what it takes – but I had to pull hard on the oars to earn it. And he was going to be a nag, but also an encourager. I recall him telling me in first grade that I was reading “third-grade words.”

While nerdy, he was a tough kid. Not athletically skilled or greatly coordinated in the classic high school jock sort of way, but physically tough and determined.  When he was in the third grade, a neighborhood bully two years older had been tormenting Bill and his buddies.  The much bigger kid was taunting them about one backyard away, so Bill took off after the (surprised) bully, tackling him. The kid ran away. Bill told me later that he thought everyone else was charging too (not), but it still took starch to do that. No one else did.

When we were into Boy Scouts (Bill was the senior patrol leader), he hiked faster than anyone, and could eat more than anyone. They called him Chowhound Willie.  He organized everything, made sure that we all marched in step, that we understood the demands of the uniform. But he wanted to do fun adventures in the woods. As a fairly poor family, camping was our most frequent recreation, and  Bill and I would talk long hikes and climbs.  In high school, he was into rock climbing, which was not big at the time. He would do pull-ups, grasping the top of the door frame with just the tips of his fingers.  Try it. It’s not easy.

We moved to Phoenix, from Upper Peninsula, Michigan, because of his asthma, while in elementary school. Mom had a high school education and worked as a bookkeeper, or whatever she could find, and we lived in a series of small rent houses, changing schools and friends regularly. Christmas that year wasn’t going to be much of anything as Mom was broke. We got up early, as was our custom, to scramble to the tree for the goodies. There was one cheap toy for each of us – a plastic cowboy rifle for me – and a few packages of wrapped underwear and socks. It was hugely disappointing.  Christmas was supposed to be a big deal, the best day of the year, for kids.

Mom stayed in bed later than usual.

While I was pouting, Bill gathered Marybeth and I and told us we had to go back to Mom’s room and make a big deal out of our Christmas. He was in sixth or seventh grade, but he understood, and I didn’t how much Mom had put out for us, and how she would feel.

So we did it, poorly, I’m sure. Mom saw through our charade, but I think she also appreciated it. I remember going outside after the performance, morose, thinking it was the worst Christmas ever. Funny, it’s the one from my childhood that I remember the most now.

Bill and I shared a room until he went off to college, a place where we didn’t fight. We had a rolling story we would make up every night, when we were supposed to be sleeping, of fantasy adventures in which we were the heroes.  The continuing saga would put  us out in the wilderness, lost in cities, being chased by bad guys and beasts, solving crimes and mysteries and saving our family and friends.  One of us would advance the story and then hand it off in mid-sentence, with our heroes falling off a cliff or surrounded by desperados or some other dilemma, not unlike the serials we saw at the Delta Theatre those Saturday mornings in Escanaba.  We did this for years, and looking back I think it has something to do with me becoming a writer, a story teller. But what we mostly heard back then coming through the door was:

“You boys SHUT UP in there and go to sleep.”

So we’d be quiet for a while. And then continue.

“So we ditched the canoe and chased up the mountain trail with one pistol with two bullets and the partial map and four men following, one shouting ‘Get them before they find the cave!’ We looked back at them and then at each other.

Cave? What cave? What’s in the cave?”

Bill went off to college after my sophomore year, and I finally got my own room. We got along a lot better after that, and I learned to respect him and his special intelligence and gifts when he wasn’t around all the time.  Later, he got me to figure out how to go to college (and why), how to be yourself and face the world and the world be damned – but not unnecessarily so.  As a working adult, he quit a well-paying job to start his own company, which takes confidence, a good idea and cajones.  When I was courting my wife, who was dating someone else when I met her and my friends told me to forget it because she had a boyfriend when I met her. Not Bill.  He’d ask me, “Is that who you want?”  Yes. “Then don’t give up. Go for it”

He’s always looked out for me, encouraged me, made me feel  confident in myself, made me stand up for myself, made me tough things out (including when he was thumping my chest or throwing me over the fence).

Thanks, bro. Finally.

Hal DeKeyser

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Max Jennings: editor, teacher, mentor, friend

Max Jennings was standing in the second story hallway at Stauffer Hall, Arizona State University, shagging students who may, or as it turned out, may not have enrolled in his Advanced Reporting Class. Although it was 1975, his purple-checked suit and brown shoes, boyish Charlie Brown-round face and carnival barker plea – “Are you in Advanced Reporting?” – seemed a bit theatrical. But my computer card read Advanced Reporting, Stauffer Hall, and I didn’t know my way around, so I went in. What the hell.

There were a lot of returning Vietman vets at ASU at the time, and I was one of them, and this was my first semester there, having accumulated credits before the Navy at Cal State Fullerton and after at Scottsdale Community College. We were behind our classmates in progressing toward degree but ahead of them in bullshit barometer training. So when Max started his “Let’s see how committed these students are?” lecture, I tuned out.

Max Jennings and Walter ZipfAfter a brief welcome, he told the class how tough the semester would be, and if you didn’t want that, check out now. You’d be writing three stories a week, plus a semester enterprise piece project. If you misspelled anyone’s name, even one time, even on the major grade-deciding semester project, it would be an automatic F. No excuses. No appeal.

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“Look at the person to your left,” he said. “Look at the person to your right. In three weeks, one of them will be gone.”

Tough talk. Meanwhile, I was checking out my class card, and looking at those of the people near me. Ray Artigue, who would later become a key exec for the Phoenix Suns and a big deal PR agency, had a “B” on his form. Mine said “A.” And the room number was wrong.

So, Max said, winding up, are you ready for this challenge? If not, speak up now.

I stood up.  “I’m in the wrong class.”

Everyone laughed, including Max. I learned later that one of his prime assets was the ability to bounce punches, to let himself be the example. I gathered my stuff, having inadvertently stolen his tough-guy thunder, and found the right class.

It turned out that Max had the class I needed, at first evident by schedule I needed, later by much more critical reasons – what a great teacher he was. I needed his permission to transfer into his class two weeks into the semester.

“I don’t know if I have room,” he told me. “I have a pretty good class here.”

“C’mon,” I implored. “Last time I was here you were trying to chase them off. You got a spot for me.” He did.

Advanced reporting at ASU at the time worked like a city room of a newspaper. You’d come up with story ideas that Max would bless, alter or reject. Then you’d go out and do them, with Max playing city editor. Some might wind up in the student newspaper, the State Press. Max wasn’t kidding about how demanding the class would be, nor about the automatic F for misspelling a name. He taught me a life-long lesson about persistence that I have passed on to many unsuspecting reporters who came under my tutelage later.  And he made hard work fun, sometimes by making it competitive, sometimes just by being such a big, goofy, excited kid himself.

I don’t know how professors and students relate these days, but Max would tube the Salt River with us and show up at our parties, and then he was just one of the gang. He was so open to students. After a beer-accompanied volleyball game one Sunday, we decided there should be a party, and none of us had a house, so were decided to go to Max’s. I got there first, walked in the back sliding door and told Max and Carol: “You guys are having a party. Better get ready.”

About 15 students came over. They were charmed and wholly unrattled. It was a great spontaneous party.

I left Arizona after graduating and worked for the Simi Valley Enterprise in California, then moved back to Phoenix working for The Associated Press. Soon after that, Max became the editor of the Mesa Tribune, freshly purchased by Cox Newspapers from a family ownership. It was Max’s job to turn it into a great newspaper. Without a lot of resources.

It was my honor to be his first hire, and he would brag kiddingly forever that he got me with a dinner at a cheap Chinese buffet and no pay hike. But it was working with Max again (and I didn’t care much for the isolated routine of the AP bureau) that sold me.

At the Trib, Max was king at recruiting the best of his former students, and other up-and-comers who know both his reputation and, later, the paper’s propensity for reporters moving on to great jobs at much bigger papers.

When I was city editor, Max would type story ideas on yellow half sheets of paper (so you couldn’t miss them, as much as you wanted to) and log them all. If there was a mediocre story in the paper and one of his ideas undone, he’d ask me, “Is this story better that my story idea you haven’t gotten around to?” I’d remind him that not all stories pan out the way you plan, and he’d ask, “So when are you going to do mine?”

Unrelenting.

It was that same unrelenting, “we can run with the big dogs” attitude that gave the Trib its spunky reputation at the time. When legendary ASU football coach Frank Kush was fired amid allegations of athletic department misbehavior, Max took all my reporters save one to cheap hotel rooms near the university, where he ran a parallel newsroom for more than a week, digging up great stories on the sports scandal, which we ran in a series the following week. We had weak local content during that reporting period, but Max would say the readers won’t remember one bad week as much as a week of great stories. He took a couple of my best reporters down to Tucson for a series on cancer research at the University of Arizona. Max was more willing to do bold things in a newsroom – even if it had a high cost – more than any editor I’ve worked with.

But while I learned so much about journalism and writing and running a news team from the guy, it was his almost-always cheery, “lets kick butt and have fun” attitude and willingness to direct the credit. And plain goofiness.  Kate Glassner, an incredibly talented page designer, created one of her spectacular covers, and Max got on his hands and knees in front of her in the newsroom with the page, bowing repeatedly.

He was such a part of everyone’s life in the newsroom. We’d have parties at his place in Mesa, a huge white house with a red tile roof that we called the Alamo, on an enormous lot. One year over Memorial Day, Max and Carol weren’t going to be around, but he let the newsroom have a party at his house without him. Anybody who trusts you that much, well, you just can’t let him down.

We’d pull jokes on each other. When the Rolling Stones were coming to town, Max got me and Bruce Spotleson into his office asking us why that was such a big deal, then wrote a column making fun out of our gyrating air guitar antics there.

Gotcha.

He wasn’t much of a rocker, but he loved blues. The next day, I gathered the newsroom, called Max out, and played Bonnie Raitt’s “Love Me Like a Man,” probably his favorite song.  “Here, Max,” I told him. “Let’s see you not move.”

Once I stole his keys off his desk, opened his car and turned the radio up to 10 on a Led Zepplin station. I also turned on his windshield wipers, emergency flashers and heater full blast. Then I shut it off and put his keys back. We all watched him get in the car and start it, then jolt. But he just laughed, turned things off and drove away. He was hard to get.

Max left us after about seven years at the Trib to edit the Dayton News, another Cox newspaper, where they wound up winning a Pulitzer. He retired in his late 50s to travel around in an RV and sailboat, and he died of a heart attack while skiing at Taos way too young, in his mid-60s.

Always the planner, Max had set aside money for a party for his survivors, and his former students, colleagues, bosses and even grade school friends from Levelland, TX, came to honor and have one last fun time with Max’s spirit. A former Trib reporter (and ex-student) flew up from Argentina. A sealed letter to Carol, the love of his life, was read for the first time, embarrassing her with a story the rest of the world had not heard about them, and making the entire room laugh and cry at the same time.  After the celebration, a bunch of us stayed up most the night playing guitar in the hallways and acting like college kids again in the local hotel. It was like Max’s last party. He gave us a final one.

Thankfully, not long before all that happened, I got a chance to have dinner, just before I was accepting the job as publisher of the Daily News-Sun in Sun City. That was during their vagabond RV adventures, and it was pretty much a quiet affair. By then, I had an impressive lot of accomplished reporters who had worked for me also (some for both of us), which Max had noted. On the way out to the parking lot, I told him, “You know, Max, you own a slice of all of those reporters’ success, too.”  He started to make a deflective joke, but Carol stopped him.

“Max, just take the compliment.”

He did. And he deserved it mightily.

I’m so glad I got that chance, because you don’t get (or rather, don’t take) the opportunity to thank so many people in your life who have been your guiding lights, great friends, mentors and favorite people. And Max was all of those.

I’m still telling Max Jennings stories today, as are the hundreds of others whose lives he not only touched, but shook.

Thanks, Maxx.

Gotcha.

Hal DeKeyser

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